Amnon and
Tamar
Introduction
Mount Pleasant was rocked
this week by the news that the star QB of the high school football team along
with two of his friends was arrested for allegedly having relations with a 12
year old girl. The boys were ages 16, 17 and 18, and since all three of them
were with her, it is unclear who the father of the child was. According to
reports, the acts were consensual, but since the girl was under age it is
considered rape nonetheless.
This is a horrible story on
so many levels. The oldest of the boys is such a good football player several
SEC schools were interested in him, including UT, Vandy, and UK. Instead of earning
a scholarship that might give him a chance at a good education and a good life,
he is facing up to 25 years in prison. And what sort of life is the young girl
facing? She is already sexually active – this is not even a story about teen
sexual activity – she’s not even a teenager. But before her 13th
birthday she’s already had multiple sexual partners and now, tragically, an
abortion.
As I have read about the
story, painful questions arise. What kind of boys think a girl barely out of
grade school is a sexual play toy? And what kind of environment must this girl
live in to allow herself to be used like this? Does she have parents, or
brothers or sisters, anyone to look out for her? And the worst thought of all
to consider is whether she may have initiated these encounters. It is a sad
commentary on the state of our sex-obsessed culture that we must acknowledge
that even grade school kids can be immoral.
Sexual sin is never pleasant
to preach on, but it is particularly distasteful when children are involved. To
discuss such tawdry matters is frankly a challenge in an assembly like this. On
the one hand, we have lots of little kids who have no idea such horrible things
take place, and I don’t want to prematurely expose them to the ugly realities
of life. But on the other hand, we need to speak plainly and pointedly about
moral purity and prepare our young ladies and gentlemen to live lives of
holiness in an ungodly age.
So I will my best to address
this issue with sensitivity and tact, but at the same time I have concluded
that if I am to err at all, it will be on the side of frankness.
There is a story in the Bible
that is every bit as distasteful as the what happened in Mount Pleasant this
week, and I want to look at it more closely to understand the how things like
this happen. It is the story of Amnon and Tamar found in 2 Samuel 13.
I.
Background
A.
Before we turn to 2 Sam. 13, we need to go back to 2 Sam. 11, because
the story of Amnon and Tamar is really the outworking of what took place there.
1.
In 2 Sam. 11 David committed his most outrageous sin, taking Bathsheba-
the wife of one of his mighty men, Uriah the Hittite- for himself, the covering
up his adultery with the conspiracy to murder Uriah.
2.
In the next chapter, the prophet Nathan confronted David with his sin,
which – true to his character as a man after God’s own heart – David
immediately confessed.
3.
Though he was forgiven, David was going to bear certain conseuqences
for his scandalous actions, spelled out by Nathan in 12:10-14:
a.
Verse 10 – the sword would never depart David’s house. Instead of
enjoying a life of peace, prosperity and ease in his declining years, David
would be a perpetual warrior.
b.
According to verse 11a, some of the enemies David would have to fight
would be his own family, who would do everything they could to humiliate him
publicly (11b-12).
c.
And finally, in verse 14, David learns that the son conceived with
Bathsheba would die.
B.
So the story of Amnon and Tamar is not an isolated, random narrative
about the sinful exploits of a spoiled prince.
1.
Instead, it is the opening act in the drama of the unraveling of
David’s house, sets the stage for David’s son Absalom to turn the sword against
him.
2.
We never know what impact our choices will have on other, but we need
to be aware that our choices will indeed affect others, and in no area is that
more the case than in how we behave morally.
C.
As we turn to the account of Amnon and Tamar, I want us to keep three
questions before us:
1.
Who did he listen to?
2.
How did he view women?
3.
What damage did he cause?
II. Amnon and Tamar
A.
The plot with Jonadab (13:1-6).
1.
I have not yet actually formally introduced Amon and Tamar, so let’s
learn more about them – 13:1.
a.
David had many wives, and children with each of them (see 2 Sam. 3).
b.
By one wife he had Absalom, and by another Amnon, making them
half-brothers. Amnon was older (according to 3:2), and therefore was first in
line for the throne
c.
Absalom also had a sister, “a beautiful sister” who name was Tamar.
d.
The end of verse 1 contains the shocking statement that Amnon loved his
half-sister, something the Law of Moses specifically prohibited (Lev. 20:17).
2.
In contrast to Amnon who desires are in explicit contradiction to the
Law (13:2a), Tamar was obedient to the Law, a virgin whose purity was
unassailable – 13:2b.
3.
Seems like an impasse – until a third character enters the story, a
cousin of Amnon’s named Jonadab – 13:3a.
a.
Normally wisdom is a good quality, but when it perverted and used for
evil, as in the case of Jonadab (13:3b), it becomes diabolical.
b.
And once he learns of Amnon’s distress (13:4), he concocts a plot –
13:5.
c.
We have no way of knowing whether Jonadab intended for Amnon to
maneuver his sister to be alone with him in order to seduce her or to actually
force himself on her, but either way Amnon followed his counsel – 13:6.
4.
So let’s answer question #1: who did Amnon listen to? He listened to
someone who encouraged him to be immoral.
a.
What Jonadab should have said is Amnon you are crazy, she’s your sister
and according to the Law (not to mention common decency) you have no business
pursuing her.
b.
But obviously, Jonadab did not respect the law of God, and undeniably
cunning, he aided and abetted his cousin in a sinister plan to satisfy his
illicit lust.
c.
Who do you listen to? To people who are wise in the Lord, who are
convicted by truth and will stand up to you and tell you when you are wrong, or
do you listen to your friends who do not love Christ, who are clever, but ungodly?
d.
I can imagine the three kids who were arrested last week urging each
other on. None of the three spoke and up said that what they were doing was
crazy and wicked.
e.
The Bible warns is in 1 Cor. 15:33 not to be deceived – evil companions
corrupt good morals.
f.
Parents, who do you let your kids hang out with? What messages do you
let them listen to in music, TV, movies, games, social media?
g.
If you listen to the Jonadab’s of this world, don’t be surprised when
the police show up at your school to take you away in handcuffs.
B.
The assault on Tamar (13:7-14).
1.
Tamar was an obedient and respectful daughter, so much so that when her
father told her to go to Amnon and make some food for him, she did – 13:7.
2.
This unassuming young lady went to Amnon’s residence and made him a
treat – 13:8.
a.
This word “cakes” in Heb. literally means “heart,” and most likely
refers to cakes made in the shape of a heart.
b.
When I think about how sweet it was for Tamar to make these cute little
cakes in light of what Amnon is about to do to her, it just makes the entire
story that much more disgusting.
3.
When she was done, Amnon sent everyone away, and executed his devious
plot – 13:10-11.
4.
As a woman of honor, Tamar immediately refused, and tried to reason
with her wicked brother-
a.
First, she said “such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this
outrageous thing” – 13:12.
i
In fact, there really is only one point of reference for Amnon is
doing, and that is when the pagan named Shechem forced himself on the daughter
of Jacob, Dinah, where the same language is used (Gen. 34:7).
ii
Amnon is acting like a Canaanite!
b.
Second, she said that laying with her would bring unbearable shame upon
her, and make him look like a fool – 13:13a.
c.
And finally, she told him to speak to David, to delay gratification
just long enough to see if the king would make some special dispensation for
them to be together – 13:13b.
5.
But there is no reasoning with someone who is driven by lust rather
than logic. I will let the horror of the words in 13:14 speak for themselves.
6.
Question #2: How did Amnon view women? As a person to love – no! As an
object to use – 13:15.
a.
Do you think the three boys in Mount Pleasant saw in that young lady
someone made in God’s image, a fellow heir of the grace of life, a young lady
who deserved respect and dignity? Of course not. And to whatever extent she was
complicit, the bottom line is that she was merely an object for them to pass
around for the own evil indulgence.
b.
We now have a cottage industry of novels which portray women as the
objects of the vilest kind of sadistic sexual perversion, purely objectified
for the pleasure of men.
c.
Meanwhile girls as young as 5 or 6 are being treated for eating
disorders because our culture is sending the message that a girl is only worth
as much as her body.
d.
As one counselor says, “The
early and over-sexualization of our girls is creating young women who have
shattered self-images and a disproportionate over-emphasis on their sexuality”
(Christy Singleton, Girls need the right message about their bodies, The Tennessean 2 October 2012).
e.
Men, when we look at pornography, we are dehumanizing women, treating
them as things rather than human beings. God created women to love, cherish,
protect, serve, not to demean and exploit for our own perverse gratification.
f.
If you have the right view of women, you will make the same covenant
Job did in 31:1: “I have made a covenant with my eyes;
how then could I
gaze at a virgin?”
g.
Young ladies, if a guy makes a play for you and tells you how much he
loves you while trying to entice you to do what’s wrong, learn from the story
of Tamar. He does not love you – he loves himself and hates you! A man who loves you wants you to be your most
spiritually beautiful. He wants what is best for you, just like Christ.
C.
Shame and Death (13:16-22, 28-29).
1.
Now that Amnon has violated his sister, he is required by the Law to
marry her and can never send her away. But do you think he cares about God’s
law? – 13:16-17.
2.
This young woman’s life s shattered. In Israelite society she would be
considered damaged goods, and it is unlikely anyone would ever marry her.
a.
She is marked for life, and to symbolize that, she rips the robe
signifying her status as a virgin – 13:18-19a.
b.
Amnon has taken something from her she can never recover, her purity.
In our day that’s not such a big deal, but for her, it was devastating, and she
mourns its loss – 13:19b.
3.
Absalom figures out what happened, and takes her in to live with him –
13:20.
a.
In a way he provides her with what a husband should have, a place to
live and be cared for.
b.
And if you look at 14:27, he even ensures that her name will live on.
c.
But each time he called for his daughter, it was a painful reminder of
what happened to his sister, and his father’s failure to act.
4.
David did nothing to punish Amnon.
a.
Oh, he’s angry, as any father would be – 13:21.
b.
But what can he say? You shouldn’t try to sleep with women you have no
right to? You shouldn’t conspire to take what is not yours? He was completely
compromised.
5.
Absalom, though, isn’t paralyzed like David.
a.
At first it seems like he isn’t doing anything – two years elapsed
according to 13:23.
b.
But Absalom hated his brother for what he had done – 13:22, and plotted
his revenge by inviting Amnon to a party – 13:28-29.
c.
These actions would make it impossible for Absalom to stay home, so he
fled to his grandfather’s, and remained in exile for three years (13:37-38).
6.
The final question – what damage did Amnon cause?
a.
Think of the destruction Amnon left in his wake. His sister – resigned
to a life of loneliness and desolation. His own life – cut down by vengeful
brother. Absalom – wheels set in motion for the ultimately fatal showdown with
David. David – heartbroken as the words of Nathan were painfully fulfilled in
the shattered ruins of his family.
b.
If you are sexually immoral you
are not only self-destructive, you destroy the lives of others.
c.
What is the future of that young girl? Of these boys?
7.
Listen to the warning of Paul in 1 Thess. 4:3-6:
a.
First of all I want to be clear – the reason we should be pure is not
because we might get a STD, not because we might have an unplanned pregnancy,
not because we might get arrested. It’s because God expects us to be holy!
People who know God ought to live like it.
b.
But we should take into account that when we are immoral we are
defrauding someone else, and we should love others rather than take advantage
of them.
c.
And most of all, we need to realize that if we are able to elude every
possible consequence, “the Lord is an avenger in all these things.”
Conclusion
This is an ugly story, because the Bible tells
the truth and the truth about sin is that it is ugly. But we must always
remember that God specializes in working through the ugliest situations and
using them to do wonderful things. Yes, David’s sin with Bathsheba set his
family on a collision course with tragedy. But that wasn’t the end of the
story. Matthew 1:6 includes in the list of Jesus’ geneaology this detail: “And
David was the father of Solomon by the wife of Uriah.” Through the pain and
disgrace of David’s mistakes God was still committed to working to bring the
world the Son of David, the King who would save His people from their sins. God
can bring grace to bear even in a horrible mess like what’s happening in Mount
Pleasant. He can do the same for any of you who may feel like your story is too
shameful, too prurient, too scandalous. And we invite you to embrace His
powerful grace.
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